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Modeling Parental Values
Young children see the world from a very egocentric perspective, so parents need to think of helping their children become caring, responsible people as a process. In order to raise children with strong values and a sense of responsibility, we as parents need to clarify our own values and beliefs and make teaching these values a high priority.
Parents also need to show children how their actions affect others. Telling a child that his screaming hurts your ears helps him begin to understand how others are feeling. Pointing out how grabbing a toy from another child makes that child feel helps him realize that his actions have consequences. It is important that we model the behaviors we want to see in our children. By acknowledging our mistakes, we teach our children that it is okay to make mistakes. By speaking respectfully to our spouses and children we show them that we value civility.
Here are some suggestions to think about when teaching about values and responsibility:
- Learn what is reasonable to expect from your child at a particular age.
- At each developmental stage, help your child learn what he can do for himself, as part of the family, and as part of the community.
- Encourage children to make age-appropriate decisions (i.e., what to wear, which stories to read at bedtime—not how many—which household chore they want to tackle first, etc.).
- Give your child an allowance starting at about age four. It is a good way to teach him how to handle money. You can also encourage your child to put aside money for charity and then let him decide where to donate it.
- Acknowledge children for their acts of kindness and good judgment as well as for their grades and achievements.
- Talk to your children about your values and what motivates your decisions in life. Let them see you do charitable work and tell them what causes you to support certain causes and why.
- Set reasonable, clear limits.
- Try not to lecture children or make them apologize before they understand why. It is more effective to tell your child simply how you feel about her behavior and follow through with consequences.
Children can help us to reevaluate what is important to us and what values we want to pass on. The challenging part is to live the values that we profess.