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Raising Only Children: Apply the Same Rules as You Would for More
People seem to have very strong ideas about family size, whether it’s their own family or someone else’s. And it is difficult to ignore negative comments about our decisions—particularly when these opinions come from family and friends. Yet planning our families is a very personal decision that only the people involved can make.
Parents choose to have only one child for a variety of reasons. Once they have made the decision to have one child, they often wonder or worry about what the consequences will be for that child. They may worry about spoiling, learning to share, loneliness, or their own over-involvement. There may be pressure from the child who wants a sibling, particularly during preschool, when children see their friends with a new brother or sister.
For these reasons, it’s a challenge to raise an only child in the most positive way possible. Here are some suggestions:
- Operate as though you have four children. In larger families, children learn to do things for themselves because the parents are often busy with the other children. Parents of only children sometimes do things for the child (dressing, feeding, etc.) long after the child is capable of doing for herself, because it is easier and quicker and they have the time.
- Only children need to learn how to entertain themselves.This is a useful skill for all children, but sometimes parents of “onlies” feel that they should be the child’s playmate.
- Resist the temptation to indulge your child. Give him what he needs and help him learn to earn what he wants.
- Don’t be overly involved in everything your child does. Enjoy your own interests.
- Get your child together with other children. Now that children are in childcare, preschool, or playgroups from an early age, they learn the skills of taking turns and sharing. It is not quite the same as sharing the most important “toys”— their parents—but it does help to teach them that they are not the only children in the world and that other children have needs and wants also. They learn that they have to wait to get their needs met.
- Give your children responsibilities in the home. Even young children can help with chores, whether it’s setting the table or putting away toys.
- Answer unwanted comments about having one child by letting critics know that this is the best choice for your family. If you speak confidently, most will back off.
- Know that studies indicate that only children are no different than those with siblings. Parents’ approaches to child rearing—rather than the number of children they have—are stronger determinants of children’s growth and development.